Fun with ALC

I spend a fair amount of time digging through dictionaries and resource materials with work and other things, and one of my favorite tools online has got to be ALC. It's just your ordinary Japanese-English dictionary, but they have slang in there too and a great variety of alternative ways to say things... sometimes too much, actually. These variations can be dangerous for someone just starting out learning Japanese (the first entries for 格好いい, which would basically mean 'cool', are "cool beans", "off the hook", and "on point"- cool beans!! Flashback to 5th grade...), but if you're working with a good base of knowledge and backing up use of ALC with other sources, like Japanese-Japanese dictionaries and more traditional sources, then it's quick and awesome.

Anyway, a side effect of this variation is that I sometimes run across some rather bizarre example sentences, some of which I'll share now.

Searching for 凝視する I came up with the following entry:

同じ時期、車の通行の激しい道路でインコを地上高く投げ、落下して地面に叩きつけられたうえ、車に轢かれるインコを凝視するAkiの姿も目撃されている。
There was another incident around that time where she was seen throwing a parakeet high into the air at a busy road, and staring at the bird as it fell and was run over by cars.

I don't know who this Aki person is, but apparently she throws dead birds into oncoming traffic, sweet.

Or this one was particularly good, under the entry for 考えられがち:

「ホモ（ホモセクシュアリティ）」とイコールと考えられがちであるが、オカマはもっと広い意味で使用される。
People often tend to think of this word as having the same meaning as "homo (homosexuality)", but "okama" is used in a much wider sense.

This is actually quite true - "okama" has more range than just covering your garden variety gay guy, and is probably closer to meaning a cross-dresser. I really wasn't expecting that looking up a phrase that basically means "is often thought of as", but yeah thanks for the info.

Of course next, I just had to search for the term "okama" itself:

またこのオカマにくっついて遊んでいる女性を釜の底に付くことから「おこげ」と呼ぶ。
Women who go out together with "okama" are said to "stick to the bottom of the 'kama'" and so are referred to as "okoge", or the "scorched rice" found at the bottom of the pan.

Wow, and there you have it... learn something new every day! Lesson of the day: "okoge" means faghag in Japanese, nice!

Yes We Can!! A Last Action Hero... that we can believe in!

Ok, this one's long overdue...

I've been waiting to post this one for about a month now! Apparently the page got so much traffic that the owner had to take it down for a while, but it's back online now so enjoy. Yes, it's that damn good that the site got slashdotted.

Some people will apparently make action figures of just about anyone, including the first black POTUS. I just love that term... POTUS. Sounds so much better than President and crams all that information into 2 succinct syllables.

Anyway I don't want to steal this guy's thunder, so head on over and check the fun this guy had with Obama: Last Action POTUS. Samuel Jackson move over, and Darth Vader prepare to meet your maker. You will not be disappointed, I guarantee.

"Black" Obama

Just thought I'd share an interesting spin on things that I feel more than a few of you will get a laugh out of.

So the other day I was watching the news with my girlfriend, and she asks me a funny question. "Isn't it sort of offensive to keep calling him 'Black Obama'? Isn't that racist?" Utterly confused, I tell her that that is in fact his name. You see, our new President's name is Barack Obama. However, Japanese makes no distinction between 'l' and 'r' and also doesn't really do compound consonant sounds like 'bl' very well, meaning that vowel sounds always get put in the middle. Thus "Barack" and "Black" sound pretty much the same when transferred into Japanese. I had to say the name in English so she could get the difference.

I can just see now that this is going to lead to a bunch of hilarity over the next 4-8 years.

New vids for the week

Found a couple good videos that I wanted to pass along.

The first is about Chinese graffiti in Shanghai - very interesting that the cops almost encourage them in some cases as it dresses up the streets... some of the artists talk about how it'd be more accepted if more artists used Chinese characters instead of English, but that English letters are so much easier to write. It also says that they started off just copying but now many are starting to develop their own style - I'll be interested to see it when they figure out how to stylize the Chinese characters better.




The next video is just totally bizarre: Kei-truck drifting. I don't know how or why someone would do this, but I'm certainly glad that they did as it's hilarious! If you've ever seen these things driving around the streets it would just expound on how incredibly ridiculous this is. Needless to say, I love it.



I have another one, but it opens a whole other can of worms and thus deserves its own post, so hang on for that one.

Yes we can!... in Japan

As much as I'm sure I missed out on most of the excitement of the election process, what with being halfway across the world and all, what you may not be thinking about if you're in the US is how much buzz was and is going on about the election abroad. Besides being historic in nature, I think Obama has a good chance of raising the hurting image of the US in other parts of the world - check out this for what I'm talking about.

As such, this is one election that the whole world was interested in - if the rest of the world could vote in US elections then the vote would've been even more lopsided than it was. Japan is no exception to this rule either, and Obama is quite popular even if he isn't President yet.

First there was the town called Obama in Fukui Prefecture (福井県小浜市), and now there's this guy Nocchi. Nocchi is a "comedian" (a very loose translation for what Japan refers to as "tarento") who is currently making a living by going around impersonation Obama, which basically involved him getting a haircut, wearing a suit and saying "Yes we can" over 10,000 times. He even went as far as to go to the US to try and garner recognition as a look-a-like in Chicago, earning him a spot in the Tribune believe it or not. He actually got Obama's barber to cut his hair and got to shake Obama's hand after a speech. Personally I don't see him lasting much longer than the long list of one-shot, one-line wonders that pop up periodically out here, but I guess he's gonna ride the gravy train as long as he can. He's definitely better than the last one-shot wonder in recent memory, but falls way short of the best of them.

Here's some more video of the Obama guy if you're interested.

McCain for Lizard King

Ok, I haven't seen the latest Presidential debate or even read anything about it yet as I just got home, but the first thing I saw about it was this! Mike, I hope you got those Photochopping skills ready, because this gem of a beut is just screaming "Somebody play with me!" LOL

Original found here.

Things, but very slowly

Sometimes, what would normally seem rather mundane can seem quite profound once you separate yourself from it and take it in from afar... like a moment of silence in a busy intersection, or a snowflake falling, or a child's smile, or... a chubby guy getting bitch slapped in slow motion. Some things are just cooler when you take your time and watch them very slowly, and this one, much like wine or a fine cheese, just gets better with age.




For even more cool things very slowly, check out the rest in this video:

Stuff White People Like

There are plenty of things that all white people like with little to no exception, such as:

• Bottled Water
• Study Abroad
• Sushi
• Being the only White Person Around
• Mos Def
• The Daily Show
  
• Threatening to Move to Canada
• Japan

I am white and therefore like all these things - if you're white then you do too, even if you don't realize it yet. For further documentation on stuff that I like, check out this link. If you are not white but would like to act like you are, look to this as an instructional guide into the inner depths of the mystique that is yuppie white culture.

Et tu, mother?

Ok, this one just gets a big wtf... I come home to find a letter from my mom - pretty standard issue stuff, especially for someone who hasn't quite caught up with that whole interweb thingermabobber, right? Well if you think so then just have a closer look...


wtf, my name's not "Doglas"!! This is the kind of shit you expect from random solicitors, not the woman you burdened for 9 months before causing her excruciating pain and pulling a "camel-through-the-eye-of-a-needle" trick, only to cause her more angst and suffering over the next 18-25 years of your life! Was it the time I sat on you with the poof pillow? That (repeated) time(s) I did a burnout(s) in your car with you in it when I was still on my learner's permit? Subjecting you to years and years of rap and loud metal? The time I... oh wait, you might not know about that one. *sheepish grin*

"Doglas"... sorry I gotta publicly call you out on this one mom, but it was just too bizarre to let go the fact that the person that picked my name in the first place, the woman who prides herself on good grammar and spelling and has inspired me to correct and nitpick at people on no less than 2 continents, misspells her own son's name.

It makes me wonder where you got confused... Doug gets confused with dog all the time here in Japanland, but you certainly don't have that one to fall back on. I'm certainly no "dog lass"... at least I don't think I'm a bitch. It is true that I am rather "dog-less" at the moment, as I don't have room for a dog out here and the family dog kicked it a while back after living the dog's equivalent of a George Burns lifetime.

I find this rather perplexing to say the least. I don't how I'll sleep at night... guess I'll just have to think up ways of striking back, like naming your grandkids cool stuff like Darth, or Megatron, or Hayabusa... or buying you a size 4 dress and refusing to visit until you fit into it. Hmm... Darth Durgee...

The most obnoxious 16yo in our lifetimes

Ok, I just have to post about this kid... you may have seen or heard about him in the news. So long story short, there's this 16yo from Melbourne who threw a house party while his parental units were out of town, 10 people becomes 50 becomes 500 and the cops are after them with dogs and a ghetto bird trying to quell a veritable riot of underage drunkards pillaging the streets. The aftermath? 20,000AD in fines and a helluva lot of explaining to do when the 'rents get home.

Words cannot describe how comical this is... a kid has a party that gets so out of hand that it makes national, nay international news??? Do yourself a favor and strap yourself in for the next 3:26, because you need to watch this video right now... and then maybe click on some of the follow-up ones that are linked, which are almost as funny. Is this really real???



PS: Terps beat #1 UNC- WOOOO!!! ...and I want those glasses, bad.

Ye tale of olde yore

I stumbled across a wonderful little tale in my websurfing over at another blog. There are plenty of fairy tales out there, including quite a number of old Japanese folktales. This one takes the cake though, and then farts it out. My I present to you - the tale of the farting wife! Yes, you read that properly, the farting wife.


An excerpt for those that don't want to read the whole thing: "If you want to fart, fart," she says. "A fart's only a fart. Everyone farts. Why shouldn't you fart?" This in response to a young wife's embarrassment over being able to knock fruit down off trees with her southern gusts.

For those of you interested in reading the whole thing, click the link above.

A new milestone in the world of Japanese humor!

This day is a truly great day for Japanese people.

You see, since arriving at my new place of business a few short weeks ago I've been hanging out with this one guy in my section in particular. It only makes sense since he's the only guy on my side of the office that's my age and sits diagonally in front of me - he also knows all the younger people at work and has some interesting friends. So the language of business in the office is usually Japanese, with 2 glaring exceptions: one is my boss, but calling that English is a stretch sometimes, and the other is lunch with my new cohort. We speak Japanese in the office and out with friends since I don't want to alienate anyone else, but I know he doesn't get any other chance to practice and he's good enough to hold a decent conversation, so I don't mind it at lunch.

In fact, I've taken it upon myself to teach him some of the finer details of the English language, including humor, and I think he's catching on pretty well. I'm working hard to dispel the whole concept of the "American joke", which is basically the Japanese way of saying "I think you expect me to laugh, but I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

So I started by trying to explain sarcasm to him and am easing him in slowly - he sees what's going on, but told me that the total deadpan straight delivery I give him still throws him off some. It's to be expected. I swear a tear almost came to my eye today though as he caught me totally off guard today - the exchange went a little something like so:

(he buys an energy drink, complaining of fatigue due to playing Mahjongg too late in celebration of Hump Day, which I of course explained to him in excruciating detail a couple weeks back)

Yudai: I'm sooo tired! *cracks open drink and proceeds to chug*
Me: You know, you should be careful with that stuff - it'll make your breath wreak!
Yudai: You mean, like your mother?
Me: *remembers telling him about "your mom" jokes and struggling to stifle laughter* ...yes, YES!! Exactly like my mom!

Compared to most Japanese people this guy is a comic genius! I've met some that have spent a whole year in the US and still don't understand things like sarcasm, and this guy's telling momma jokes after just 3 short weeks! I think it might be time to up the ante and put him on the fast track. I feel some South Park and Chappelle's Show coming on in his near future.

I love the world we live in sometimes

...because of anomalies such as these:

weird Japanese tv
Whenever the people are running they're yelling "It's a tsunami!!!"

the best music video of all time
and if you click you'll know why.

Analogies/metaphors thought up by high school students

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Blah.

I'm pooped... just trying to make it through the day here. I took a day trip up north a little to a place called Naruko and stopped by an onsen, then rushed back to run out to Sendai in the evening to make a practice for the play and did not get anywheres near enough sleep last night.

Here's a small compilation of funny videos I've run across in the past few weeks though for your amusement. I absolutely love that "old man bites tenderly" one, or whatever it's called. I'm pretty sure they're all SFW... as long as you can contain your inevitable outbursting fits of laughter.

http://archives.canneslions.com/media/2006/tv/high/2006_020_167_high.mov
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9M5ddlZOYg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUibe9NeJPQ
http://www.patrick.com/front/archives/000250.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8c2fMDatoU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ads_XnWvMd4

In other news, if anyone's heard from or has means of smacking James upside the head to get his attention, tell him it'd be nice to hear from him once in a while to make sure his cats didn't eat him in his sleep or something.

Be ye ready to talk pirate? Yarr!

Pirate talk... arr!

Avast ye salty dogs 'n saucy wenches! The red dusk bodes well for the day's sail. Be ye afeared? If ye be wantin' to talk like a pirate click on the link. Harr! This here be almost as funny as Hard Gay... almost.