What the hell is up with the economy?

Could somebody please tell me??

I leave the country for a week, then hear that a whole bunch of big ass banks are out of commission or on the ropes... Lehman Brothers files for bankruptcy, the US government bails out AIG, Merrill Lynch bought out by Bank of America... what the hell?? Aren't these like frickin' huge names? Now I hear that of the 5 biggest investment firms in the US only 2 are left standing? Wow, we really suck.

This reminds me of the bubble crash in Japan in the 1990's... not quite as drastic (yet), but potentially disastrous if someone doesn't right the ship soon. I am sooo glad I get paid in yen and live halfway across the world right now... I have a feeling my money shall be staying away from the US, at least until things bottom out.

Speaking of which, any speculators wanna let me in on exactly when that'll be and what signs to look for? If not then I'll just assume that this is the end of the US as we know it and the terrorists have won. Pretty soon Iran, Saudi Arabia and Columbia are going to put all their oil funds together and buy out the US and rename it United Stackistan, the Confederacy of Oil Conglomerate Kingdoms (just because it has a nice abbreviation), then stick G.W. in a Saddam-like little cubby hole for a few weeks before having Dick Cheaney shoot him in the face, and hang Al Gore upside down by his wee-wee from a eucalyptus tree with a hemp rope and run around on camels screaming "I told you so!" in Arabic. Then Skeletor will rise up and take over control of the White House from the oil guys, of course renaming it Castle Greyskull. Dark, dark times abode for the US, and only He-Man can save us.

PS: yes I'm exaggerating, but that's only because it's fun. That is, it's fun when I do it, not when the news does it since they just make the problem worse by freaking people out.